A truly amazing man

I sit here and I look at Shawn and wonder how he does it.  I wonder how he can sit and watch golf on TV and listen to his friends talk about a recent golf game they had and he stays so positive. Yes he misses playing his favourite sport but instead of becoming angry or upset that he will never do it again, he just accepts it. I wonder what goes through his head when he watches his friends help out with home maintenance repairs that I can not do and he is not able to do. He doesn't get resentful but extremely proud that he has such supportive friends who lend a hand when needed.  Even when he crosses paths with past friends, who no longer acknowledge him, due to whatever reasons they use to justify their behaviour, he remains positive. Instead of being angry with those people, he feels bad for them that they don't feel they can speak to him to see that he is still the same person. All of these actions just reinforce how I feel about this amazing man and who he was before the accident and who he still is. If a brain injury emphasizes a certain personality trait that someone already has, then I consider myself lucky that the amazing man I feel in love with, is just as amazing if not more than before. 

Remembering the past

This past summer I sat around with a group of friends and we talked about the early days of Shawn's accident. Some witnessed it first hand and others only heard about it through others. It is when I recount those events that I am truly amazed by what the brain remembers and retains. Most days I can't remember anything without putting it in my phone and setting mutilple reminders but that day and the ones following I remember vividly. It brings to mind the old lady from Titanic. She retells her story about how she can remember the smell of the fresh paint after 84 years. It certainly hasn't been that long but after 6 years, I remember what I wore that day, what Shawn and I had for lunch, the smell of the ICU and every word spoken to me about his condition. I remember the feeling like I was going to pass out, the feeling of absolute denial and that I was in a dream and none of it was actually happening.  To this day, I feel the same overwhelming grief I felt that day, when I retell the events surrounding the accident .  Why would such trauma make our brain hold on to these memories that never leave yet the happiest days and times of our lives, like when are children are born and growing up, seem like a blur?

One step forward another step back

It is hard to believe that it has been a year since I last posted to this blog. I had such high hopes for myself that I would continue posting in hopes of making a difference for others in the same position as us. This past year basically kicked my ass and it has been a constant struggle to find a great balance of staff and therapists. We have had many support workers come and go and even switched up some approaches to therapy. It finally dawned on me months and months ago that we were not going to find what we left when we moved. I realized changes needed to be made so we decided to get creative with how rehab was going to happen. One of the major successes we have had, is that since we could not find a speech therapist anywhere near the calibre we needed to alter the approach. Since technology is an amazing thing, we started Skype sessions with the SLP we used to have. She may be 3 hours away but with this style of rehab the quality of therapy is unchanged and there is no travel expensies required. It may not work for everyone but it works for us. Anyone who knows me knows that the travel expenses associated with rehab are hard to swallow since the cost is almost the same as the actual therapy.  If there is a way to use the rehab money more effectively this technique is it. However, it may not work for everyone, especially those in the early stages of recovery. I am happy to say that this is one of the few rehab changes we have made since moving that has been beneficial. Hopefully there will be more to come! I am trying to be patient.